Loving my struggle.

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun”.

-Shaun Hick

Shaun Hick’s wise words about struggle really motivate me, especially on my new journey. I always find different ways to motivate me through tough times when I feel exceptionally down. I have learned to truly love my struggle no matter how hard it gets.

We are currently on a flight headed back to Illinois but luckily I hear the snow has melted(!) which is surprising. I am reflecting on the games this past weekend and realize that even in the heat of the moment I would get distracted by thoughts that were lingering in the back of my mind. I mean I am here in Texas getting away from the ice, enjoying the sun, loving the scenery, and etc. You’re probably thinking what could possibly be wrong. I’m all hyped up we’re in the third game of the tournament and the girls have been killing it and I was having a happy moment. Even among the excitement the only thing I could focus on is how I am going to pay for my rent on Tuesday. Although I’m not struggling enough that I miss my rent payment—which working only four hours a week on next to minimum in addition to the occasional hitting lessons and helping instruct camps, is helping me get by. When you make decisions you’re forced to say yes to one thing but no to another. So when I took a full time volunteer assistant coaching position I had to say yes for the learning experience but I had to say no to having a legit income. The NPF salary can only last me for so long into the fall . I still get by knowing that my sacrifices that I make today will set up for my success in the future.

By no means am I complaining at all, I just realized that in 2015 I made one of the biggest leaps in my whole life.  I moved to Illinois to become a volunteer assistant coach for the University of Illinois with no place to live, no job, and no friends. I am blessed that it has worked out so far, this is not where I want to be financially but I know that taking this volunteer position will help me in the long run. One thing I truly miss because of this decision is my family, back home in Alabama. I moved away for college and that was tough enough but now I rarely see them, even on holidays. I know that they’re doing fine and achieving great things as always. I’m glad that I have Facebook because that’s the only way I keep up with them in addition to the occasional phone call.  My family is seriously is the best. They’re my biggest inspiration, both my father and my older sister have shown me how to deal with the hand they were dealt. We all went through the tough time losing our mother but how we reacted and how we overcame our challenges which still inspire me today.

Outside of family my significant other is battling the long distance thing, we’re both pretty recent college graduates searching for a job. He is struggling with being in a long distance relationship with me, and sadly he doesn’t think it’s going to work. Although it is not good news, my spirits are high with or without that person. I do work with an amazing staff at Illinois who helped me along the way from letting me sleep on their couch, to emotional support, and setting up camps for me making sure I’m well off ($$$). I also encountered some pretty awesome individuals here and I can say that they perspective on life.

Special people come in and out your lives but some are here to stay and I cannot stress how much that means to me. I love people who don’t give up on me it’s the best feeling in the world. So my support team here in Illinois is very supportive, they’re truly unbelievable. Seriously though I am happy. I like being where I am in my life, honestly. Hard work is everything and sacrifices have to be made which carry hardships with it. I don’t think I would trade my position for anything, this journey has already been one heck of a ride and I can’t wait to see where this road takes me. Because the passion that I have for the sport and these girls is what makes it all worth it. Softball has shaped who I am, taught me respect, taught me persistence, taught me how to handle pressure. It has been my whole life. It’s helped me through the loss of my mother and given me perspective on life. And now even in this imperfect situation, it’s worth to me to keep going, to keep trudging through the mud, to keep crawling through the shadows, so once I’m finally standing in the sun I will truly appreciate my journey.